Week 2: Reflections by Christine Phua
Group: How Do We Lead with Empathy in the Global Healing of Anti-Racism? facilitated by ManMan Mui
By Christine Phua - Torrance, CA
I am so thankful for ManMan's generous spirit and courage while facilitating a brave space for all of us in our learning and discussions on Nonviolent Communication. I really wasn't sure about the depth to which we could go in these conversations as a group. In the past, more often than not, concepts are presented with little to no modeling or no actual opportunity to practice in real time. In week 2, we had an opportunity to see nonviolent communication in action. ManMan and another group member lead by example and revealed some of the challenging conversations they had regarding boundaries and directly addressed an active situation...I say active, but at the time I was not fully conscious or aware...I was surprised and realized that I had brushed the issue aside during our group's first meeting. Rather than automatically berating myself for why I so easily and quickly brushed the issue aside, I tried to listen to what they were revealing. After listening to them speak, I wondered, softly to myself, what are they saying? what new information did I hear and how did I feel about that? what did happen and what is happening now for the two of them? for me? for us? How do I respond now? Their willingness to be vulnerable and direct made an impact on me in that moment and is still reverberating.
I am appreciative of the way we hold space for each other in this group and the additional resources ManMan has provided. I'm reading/viewing them bit by bit in relation to our discussions, sometimes having to re-visit the material again. It does take some time to integrate the meaning of these concepts into my own framework while questioning what parts of that framework could be set aside or dis-entangled; what illusions did I mistook as "truth", that were not questioned and has become ingrained through repetition, external and internal reinforcement, now conditioned into my internal being. What aspects did I feel, and still feel, are so important to my survival and "progress" with this need to control? To what extent did these given and earned privileges reinforce the same values of our capitalist, hetero-normative, cis-gender, white dominated patriarchal society? How does this framework that was set up and utilized to protect me, might also be stifling my growth as an empathetic, compassionate human being and those around me. One thing has become clearer is that by working on recognizing and understanding the personal wounds in our bodies with all the feelings and needs that arise, intentionally creating the space for ourselves and each other to speak and listen, along with patience and compassion for mine and others' emotional capacity to change, that we can decrease the violence within ourselves and each other.